Quotable Quips

Here are some funny things I said to either Jake or the cat this week. Most of it is profane, some of it is inappropriate, and all of it is hilarious. Enjoy.

  • “Now see! That’s the blue sparkle shit!”
  • “It’s like a garbage condom.”
  • “Nipples- they’re not stair”
  • “You left the potato in here, goddamnit!”
  • “I wanna get another row and a chapter done before I get drunk.”
  • “I will wiggle my titties where I please!”
  • “Too bad! You tried to cuddle with my face, so now you get the floor, bitch.”
  •  “What is the fuck wrong with you?”
    • (No typo, that is exactly how that stumbled out of my mouth.)
  • “Lucky for you I’m a fast blinker, and was able to deflect the blow.”
  • “Butt mice!”
  • “Did you just jazz hand me?”


Feel free to guess the context for some of these quotes in the comments. Make up a funny scenario in which these wacky statements might actually make sense. Who knows, maybe you’ll guess right.

ps- Here’s a picture of Charlie. I figured he deserved the spot since his naughty antics inspired quite a few of these ridiculous remarks.

pps- Can you tell how much I adore alliteration?

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