Finally, my new desk arrived. No longer must my gorgeous office chair sit by itself in the corner like it’s in some sort of time out. At long last, it has found it’s place, pushed in next to an espresso finished desk with teal hairpin legs. I could not have dreamed up a more fabulous set up. Granted in my dreams, I wasn’t working in this claustrophobic cubby in our studio apartment, but nonetheless, I love it. It is decorated to perfection with my favorite knick-knacks and of course, my current notebooks/books. I am so thrilled to finally have a work space of my own. For the past year and a half I have been typing either on the couch or in my bed. Needless to say, not that comfortable.
I figured I would celebrate the arrival of my desk with a sneak peek into that novel idea I mentioned on Monday. The working title is Unapologetically Human, and it is basically just about the main character, Mary, finding herself during her first year in college with the help of her friend/greatest enemy, Lucy. Here’s a section that would probably appear about a third of the way through the (highly hypothetical) book.
Section of Unapologetically Human
After tidying up the straws, Lucy struts over to join me. “Are you okay now?”
“Of course,” I reply as confidently as possible as I slide Lucy her drink. Although I can’t quite suppress my sniffles.
“I just mean, are you having a bad day or something…” Her sentence trails off and her eyes scream confusion.
“I don’t know what you expect me to say.”
“Well, normally people don’t burst into tears because they spilled some straws on the floor.”
“Well, normally I wouldn’t talk to you.” I snap.
“So, this is somehow my fault?” There she is with that confused look again! Who does she think she is trying to understand me? She has no right to examine me like this.
“Listen, I’m not really comfortable with this, so I’m going to…” I get up to leave, but Lucy grabs me by the arm.
“Where are you going? It’s not like I’m asking you to have sex with me. Just tell me what’s wrong.”
“Fine. Not that it’s any of your business, but that was just really embarrassing.” I cross my arms and stare violently back at her.
“Because, I don’t like looking like an graceless fool.” I spit the words out like venom.
“Screw grace. Grace is for anorexic ballerinas with bleeding toes and joints that bend too far. Nobody thought you were a fool. Everyone makes stupid mistakes like that.”
“Well not me,” I state cuttingly.
“Do you not identify with everyone? Do you think you’re better than everyone else, Miss Perfect?”
“Everyone else on this campus at least.”
“Wow! Wow. I knew you were a conceited narcissist, but I really didn’t think you would say anything like that out loud. I am just…speechless.”
“I’m pretty sure conceited narcissist is redundant.”
“Okay, so now my insults aren’t even good enough for Your Highness. Jesus, what made you like this?”
“Well at least I have morals.”
“And what are you implying exactly?”
“That at least I don’t go around sleeping with anything that stands on two legs,” I hiss.
“That’s where you religious types get it wrong. Why do you care so much about what other people do with their genital? You want to be abstinent? Fan-fucking-tastic for you. Whereas, I could stick whatever I want into my vagina. Doesn’t bother you any. I could have sex with every single person on this campus. That would be my choice. I could decide to keep cucumbers in my cunt in an attempt to start a feminist pickling business. It doesn’t matter, as long as it’s my choice and I’m happy.”
“You’re so vulgar.”
“Well at least I’m happy.”
“You don’t think I’m happy?”
“Happy people don’t cry, because they accidentally knock something down.”